Sharing what I have learned.

I have decided to change the direction my blogs are going and write to show the things that interest me, like sewing and cooking.  I made some raspberry jelly yesterday using a drink mixer.  Drink mixers are mostly pureed fruits.  I had bought it to use in my homemade ice cream last week and I had half a bottle left.  I haven't tried it yet but if it turns out good I will use the strawberry mixer next.  And I promise to share including photos.  Some of the things I need to work on is organization.  I have so many new projects to try, it just gets overwhelming sometimes.  I am a very frugal person so I try to find free or low cost projects to make.  I will be sharing my projects with you and the links to where I found the information.  Like yesterday, I found an awesome pattern for a different body style for the Waldorf dolls I love to make. I will post a blog tutorial on making the new doll and share some of the tips I have discovered along the way.  I love cooking so I will be sharing some of my favorite recipes.  Like a very simple recipe to make peach cobbler, or blueberry cobbler.  Actually it works well with any fruit you want to use.

I hope you will enjoy my future blogs and if you have any tips to help me get better organized please share with me.

Love the Country Mom.

Losing weight!

I have been trying so hard to diet but I can't stop the emotional eating.  I am not hungry but I just want to eat all the time.  I want to go have my lap band refilled but the office at Hamilton Weight Management is not calling me back.  And I called a place in Savannah but I have to get my records from Hamilton. I swear if I had a large enough needle I would do it myself.  The last time I was at my doctor's office I weighed in at 275 and I can't stand it.  I am thinking about taking water aerobics at the water park in Statesboro.  I have to do something to get this weight off.  I know that exercise is as important as eating right but I keep sabotaging myself and I don't understand why. 

It is still so hard to be without her.

It was this day in 1977 that I lost my mom to cancer.  She had been sick for over two years.  I was 12 years old at the time and that was one of the most life changing things I could have ever experienced. Within the next year I was running the house and taking care of my little sister.  Mama was the one that disciplined us and I guess my daddy was grieving but when got mad, I was the one that took most of the punishment. I am not saying what my daddy did was right, but now I do understand him a little better.  At the time I felt all the love in our family died with Mama.  Some times I look back over my and wonder how my life might have been changed if she had not died.  I don't think I would have married my first husband because mama would not have allowed him in my life.And the toughest thing about that is I would not have my beautiful children.

Mama taught me some very important lessons in life, and love was the most important.  Even though she was not a church going woman the love of God was was felt in our house.  She had seven children and she never made any of us feel less loved than the others. ALL of us can honestly say that we were Mama's favorite.  Mama taught to be the kind of mom I should be.  To love my children with all my heart and teach them the love that God has for them.

Blended Families

On my first post I talked about my "instant" kids.  But the fact is most families today are blended families.  Divorce is a fact of life in today's society, but some of the hardest decisions we make concerns our children. But I have learned that it should not be about his kids and my kids, but our kids. When my husband and I got married we decided that we would love each others kids as our own.  And I guess that is what makes a difference.  We CHOOSE to love them.  When I became Matthew's Step-mom, I didn't try to take his real mom's place in his life.   I decided though to treat him as my own child.  I love him as my son and I love the two daughters from my first marriage.  My first grand-son is not my biological grand-child but I CHOOSE to love him as if he were.  When Matthew has a problem, I listen to him and try to help him. When my daughter Shannon needs my help, I try to give it to her.  I love her and her children so much.  Sometimes you have to put your needs aside for the sake of your family.  I am so blessed for my "instant" children.  I hope you are with your own.  Blended means to become one, so take your family and his family and become ONE family.

How stress can effect your body, like it did mine.

I went to see a neurology specialist on Thursday about the seizure like episodes that I have been having for the last 3 months. She asked me a lot of questions about my episodes and about how they started. It seems I have what is called Stress Seizures and it is common in some people. It started in nursing school a few years ago. Working night shift and going to school most of the day caused the mild ones. But these last ones seem top be coming from unresolved issues of past sexual abuse at the hands of my Mom's cousin when I was six years old. I never told my parents and actually I never told anyone until last year I told one of my daughters that had been abused by her father when she was a child. I will start seeing my counselor again soon and maybe she can help me get through this difficult memories.

Losing me

Some of you know that over the last few months that I have been having some health issues.  I seem to be having seizures that mimic strokes.  I lose function of the left side of my body and the ability to speak. I have seen three neurologists and a cardiologists, and numerous other doctors including a psychiatrist.  I even told my primary care doctor just tell me if I am crazy as least that is something.  Right now I have nothing, no real reason for what is happening to me.  I mean I am a nurse so I should be able to understand my own body, but all my test are negative.  I have had four CT scans, a MRI of the brain, two EEGs, and still nothing.  When the episodes happen I can see and feel everything that happens but I can not move my body nor can I speak. I am trapped in my own body and my mind is screaming to help me get out.  I am posting this so that I can help my children understand what I am going through when I have these episodes.  I love them very much.  But I feel like I am losing me. 

Being a mom

I have to say that being a mom is the most rewarding experience of my life. I have a total of six kids, three of my own and three "instants" as I like to call them.  My children give more to me than I can ever give in return to them.  I was 18 when I had my first child and she was so beautiful.  I can not describe the love and happiness I felt when I first held her in my arms.  But being a mom can be scary as well but the most important thing is to love your kids and listen to them.  You know your kids better than anyone else.  I am not saying being a parent is easy but if you let you heart be your guide you will have a wonderful relationship with your kids.